Black in a Pandemic

*This blog will be very personal and can be a trigger if you suffer from depression or other mental health issues*

If you have been feeling overwhelmed with the attack on black lives, the performative allyship where “Black lives matter” is being thrown around like parsley on food, being isolated inside and it causing heightened depression, and anxiety of what is next...I am here to tell you that you are not alone. Being black in this pandemic can be twice as stressful right now, causing a shift towards depression periods that may be more often than we are used to.

Lately, I have been finding it very hard to exist within this time because I am constantly triggered from seeing videos/ new instances of violence against black bodies as well as have to deal with Covid and still continue to be fine to work and check in on my family and friends. I usually have seasonal depression periods around the holidays in the winter where there is no sun and I am triggered by family centered holidays (if you know me then you’ll understand why that triggers me). So, for me during this pandemic, I have this sense of seasonal depression because I am inside for most days and I do not get to be around friends or family how I would like to. So not only a I grieving people that I have never met almost EVERYDAY, I am feeling frustrated and cut off by continued social distancing-- leading to daytime fatigue, lack of motivation for things I once was so excited to do, several stressors at once, and an overall mood shift that I have to try to control to continue work and keep up relationships with family and friends.

Maybe I am the minority that feels like this, maybe there are many black people right now who feel this same “seasonal” pandemic depression who need to know there are others so that they don’t feel even worse about themselves. Either way, please do not be afraid to speak about or bring up your shift in mental health whether this is our first time or a recurrence. Some people might be comfortable going to a therapist and discussing, some this is new to so I will offer some suggestions on how to keep going until you are able to speak about it.

1. Try to keep a schedule- during these times I am sure everything has felt out of place and unstructured, which can cause stress, anxiety and lead to depression. Try scheduling your day even down to the meals and sleeping. I have set alarms on my phone of when I should eat and reminders because I know that I can go a day or 2 without eating or drinking water and not even notice until someone else asks if I have eaten. Adding some structure back into your life might bring a little clarity.

2. Fill your free time with something productive- Being on social media has become triggering and draining for me as well as being isolated inside for days at a time. This can lead to a depression period. This is where I suggest filling your time with trying new things, picking up hobbies, getting to chores you haven’t gotten to yet. You can start small with putting some clothes away at a time or cooking yourself dinner. This can bring back that much needed motivation you have been lacking. For me, I have been researching PhD programs a little at a time, having at least 30 mins of working out, or even trying to cook something to keep busy. My next goals will be going outside for walks, getting back to painting, and writing down activities/places that I would like to try when it is safe.

3. If you are able and have access to, take a self care day. I have been trying to implement this for myself more as far as a face mask, oiling my hair, mediating, and reading. Don’t think that because you are not working right now or that you are working from home that you don’t deserve a self care day. Not doing anything for days at a time can still exhaust you to where you feel you worked a double shift. Take some time to take care of you, whether that is doing your hair, trying out yoga, or other things that you have been neglecting for your body during this time.

4. Last but not least, if you are religious I suggest taking this time to pray and grow closer to God. I have been texting my friends for scriptures and also been trying new bible plans to grow closer in my faith and have peace of mind from this negative year. My go to has been Psalms 121- My help comes from the Lord. I read it when I am in moments of defeat and loneliness. Try finding a go to scripture that you can rely on when you need that extra push.

When you are ready, try bringing in people that you trust to discuss what is going on or how you feel. It can become a weight taken off of your shoulders when you are able to have someone who will listen and see that you exist. There is no rush to doing this as from my experience, it took a lot of courage to even speak about how I feel. Pace yourself.